Selfish
by sudoku.addict
Summary: Oneshot. Cuddy hears of House's coma and is angry at him. Spoilers for Season 4 finale!


Hi everyone. Wow, it's been SO long since I've written anything. Yeah, I realize that. But summer vacation is here yet again and I find myself with some extra time on my hands, so here I am to herald my return to the wonderful wonderland of fanfiction.

One of my absolute favorite shows is House, MD and I'm completely in love with the relationship between House and Cuddy. So! Here's my first House fic, enjoy!

Spoilers for the season 4 finale!

She looked up at Chase's frantic expression as he came bursting through her office door, "Dr. Chase, what happened?"

"House," he said simply. "He had a seizure during deep brain stimulation. He's slipped into a coma. We've put him in ICU."

Her stomach clenched. She knew how dangerous and unconventional the procedure was, and she knew he knew it as well. It was a risk he was willing to take, one he needed to take, for Wilson. Cuddy couldn't find the authority in her to stop him no matter how damaging this electroshock would be to his already weakened state. Each time she wanted to refuse the procedure, all it took was one look at James Wilson's face, and her reservations were quashed almost instantly.

The coma was dangerous, her scientific side told her, life-threatening yes but it meant that he was stable. House would pull out of it. He always does. Her heels clicked rapidly through the hallways of Princeton-Plainsboro, Chase jogging along in her wake. Even people who didn't know her knew enough to see that the Dean of Medicine should not be bothered right now. People avoided her in the hallways, suddenly finding something interesting in the file in their hands, or turned sideways into a nearby bathroom or exam room. Her brow was furrowed, mainly with anger.

Anger that he had done this to her. Again. Maybe he didn't have any regard for his own life and well-being, but there were people who cared about what physical harm he was doing to himself everyday. Lisa Cuddy huffed through the sliding glass door and finally arrived at his bedside. Didn't he know how this affected her? Didn't he know his attending doctor was practically his family and she couldn't think clearly when it came to him? Didn't he have any regard for her emotional sanity whenever he pulled stunts like this? No, the selfish bastard didn't even think about that did he.

Because he didn't know. Because she never told him.

She never told him how important just _having _him in her life was. How he made her laugh when by all rights she should be furious, usually because of something he did. He didn't know how lonely she was, how grateful she was for those 3 am phone calls that she pretended to be so annoyed about. He didn't know how much she like baiting him with low-cut tops, flattered that he stared at her breasts and ass at every opportunity, making her feel wanted, making her feel beautiful. Making her feel something so close to love it hurt to look at him and realize they had an impossible relationship.

There were so many reasons that nothing could ever be between them. First of all, she was his boss. Employee-employer decorum would be shattered. Secondly, he was the lone wolf type and would eventually lash out against her just to prove the point, and that would be the end of it. And things would be miserable from that point on. Thirdly, they were both so set in their ways. She had a house, a schedule, a hospital to run. And he, well he never fit into a singular category. Somehow, white picket fences and a well-manicured suburban lawn just didn't come to her mind when she thought of a life with House.

The hospital slowly emptied. marked by the gradual absence of the ambient noise of busy legs brings busy doctors into busy exam rooms. Princeton-Plainsboro settiled into standby mode. But up in ICU, she was still on duty, checking his stats, making notes on his chart, glancing every once in the while at his face to see if he stirred. The Ducklings had come by, all somber but they had all left together. Kutner and Taub stopped by on their way out. Thirteen was nowhere to be seen.

She busied herself with anything she could find. Straightened the IV drips, smoothed out some wrinkles on his coverlet, daubed his face with a warm cloth. Keep busy to keep away the thoughts. His eyes flickered open. A balloon expanded in her chest.

"Hey. I'm here. Blink if you can hear me."

The lids that hid his piercing blue eyes fluttered shut once.

Relief. Utter and glorious relief washed over Lisa Cuddy. The worst was over, House would be fine. After some bed rest and proper meals, Greg House would be just fine. She hurriedly wiped away the stray tear that leaked out. She didn't want him to see but she's sure he noticed. He notices everything.

He looked at her, an unreadable expression in his eyes. But there was recognition. And gratitude. Before his eyes slid shut again, he extended his hand to hers. She took it, surprised at this sudden gesture. House was certainly not one for unnecessary physical contact. But maybe he needed an anchor, a tether to this world, something more permanent than the tubes and needles he felt attached to him. He didn't want to be tempted into the other world of unconsciousness again.

She was tired, but decided not to go home. What was she to go home for? All that awaited her was an empty house in an expensive neighborhood. Everything that was important was right here. She pulled the chair closer and curled up, never letting go of his hand, allowing herself this small pleasure, not caring for once what the hospital staff saw.

She was sorely tempted to place a soft kiss on his lips. She looked around. There was no one here, no sound at all from the hallway. He was asleep and wouldn't feel a thing. She extended a hand to touch his forehead, a little smoother in slumber, less lined with pain. It was then that she started to lean forward, but stopped herself. No, she shook her head, I would only feel more pain afterward. And restraint won out in the end.

And at that moment, watching his sleeping form, his hand clinging to hers, Lisa Cuddy felt an overwhelming rush of love towards her cynical Head of Diagnostics. He pulled stunts everyday that would incur her anger, but it was nothing like this. She was most angry at him when his life was in danger. Angry at the world for placing him in pain and danger. Angry at him for not protecting himself better so that she could have the peace of mind. But somehow, without even realizing it, she always forgave him.

"You're still a selfish bastard," she mumbled at him before closing her own eyes.

Oy vey. Well I don't know about you, but I definitely leaked some tears at that season finale. Powerful stuff huh? And the Huddy scene at the end was fantastic. Definitely my favorite moment between them. Reviews would be lovely lovely lovely!


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